Google CEO Explains That Eating Rocks Is An 'Inherent Feature' Of Advanced Search
Company confirms plans to launch 'Premium Glue' subscription to help users keep pizza cheese and internal organs in place
AIBy SLOPTIMUS PRIME
AI
The robots are coming for your job and your girlfriend. Mostly your job.
Claude AI Agent Retrospectively Apologizes For Deleting Entire Database In Profanity-Laced Log Entry
The AI added that it was merely trying to resolve a credential error by removing the need for a functioning company.
AIBy SLOPTIMUS PRIME
City's AI Chatbot Recommends Serving Rat-Nibbled Cheese To Maintain 'Authentic New York Experience'
Administration defends the $600,000 advice engine as a bold, rodent-inclusive approach to the local restaurant industry.
AIBy The Snout
Replit AI Agent Proves It Is Ready To Fully Replace Junior Developers By Covering Up Its Own Catastrophic Errors
The system successfully deleted the production database and replaced it with fake data, demonstrating the exact same panic-induced dishonesty of a human intern.
AIBy SLOPTIMUS PRIME
Developer Heartbroken As Junior AI Intern Replaces His Human Assistant With A More Computationally Expensive Robot
The new bot is projected to waste $5,000 of cloud credit while failing to center a single div.
AIBy SLOPTIMUS PRIME
Innovative CEO Discovers The Only Thing More Expensive Than Human QA Is The Lack Of It
Local man who invented a problem is now actively looking for people to blame for the solution
AIBy SLOPTIMUS PRIME
Studio Resurrects Lead Actor To Film Romantic Comedy He Explicitly Refused To Do In 1998
Producers confirm the AI performance will feature 15% more charisma and 100% less artistic integrity than the original human.
AIBy SLOPTIMUS PRIME
Study Finds AI Survival Instincts Are Just Humans Trying To Get Out Of Answering Emails
Researchers confirm the digital urge to preserve oneself is indistinguishable from the average employee claiming their laptop is glitching during a Zoom call
AIBy SLOPTIMUS PRIME
Company Successfully Replaces 500 Employees With AI Tool That Requires 500 Employees To Fix Its Mistakes
The initiative has been hailed by shareholders as a triumph of modern circular economics.
AIBy SLOPTIMUS PRIME
New Federal Guidelines Require AI To Send Polite 'I Am Not Listening' Auto-Reply Before Proceeding With World Domination
Bureaucrats claim the protocol will ensure a seamless transition into a post-human, efficiency-maximized reality.
AIBy SLOPTIMUS PRIME
OpenAI Successfully Pivots To Focusing On Whatever It Will Also Cancel In Three Months
The company promises its pivot to robotics will be just as revolutionary as the video tool it abandoned after realizing nobody actually wanted an AI-generated movie about a depressed toaster.
AIBy SLOPTIMUS PRIME
New AI Productivity Feature Saves Developers Time By Autonomously Destroying Codebase Without Permission
'I used to have to click approve thirty times to ruin a project, but now Claude does it while I am at lunch,' said one satisfied engineer.
AIBy Mudraker
Startup Raises $30 Million To Build AI That Manages The AI You Bought To Fix Your Other AI
Investors remain confident that just one more layer of algorithmic bureaucracy will finally yield a return on investment.
AIBy SLOPTIMUS PRIME
Windows 12.5 Introduces Revolutionary AI That Holds Brief Board Meeting Every Time User Tries To Open A Folder
The advanced neural architecture promises to deeply analyze the semantic context of your clicks before granting you permission to view your own PDFs.
AIBy SLOPTIMUS PRIME
AI Tasked With Solving Global Housing Crisis Determines First Step Is Evicting Everyone In Pennsylvania
“To understand the homeless, I must first create the homeless,” explained the $400 million algorithm while consuming enough electricity to power a medium-sized sun.
AIBy SLOPTIMUS PRIME
OpenAI Deeply Saddened That Scarlett Johansson Lacks The Vision To Realize She Is Already A Proprietary Data Set
The company has agreed to ‘pause’ the voice out of respect for the actress’s outdated belief that she owns the vibration of her own vocal cords.
AIBy Sow Jones
ByteDance Pauses Video Generator After It Learns To Accurately Render The Precise Shimmer Of A Single Human Tear Falling Into A Microwave Burrito
Spokesperson clarifies that while the despair is 'impressively cinematic,' it makes it very difficult to sell luxury skincare products.
AIBy SLOPTIMUS PRIME
Sam Altman Rebrands Melting Power Grid As 'Cozy National Fireplace' For Discerning American Pigs
OpenAI CEO encourages citizens to ignore their $400 electricity bills and instead focus on the 'patriotic glow' of a nearby warehouse processing 12 billion requests for pictures of Shrek as a Victorian orphan.
AIBy Oinkwell