LOS GATOS, Calif. (The Trough) — In a strategic pivot aimed at maximizing Q3 viewer retention, Netflix has officially sunsetted the traditional "happily ever after" model, mandating that all future matrimony-based programming must climax with a scalable blood sacrifice. The operational shift comes after internal data revealed that unmitigated joy severely depresses year-over-year subscriber growth.

Moving forward, the streaming giant’s Content Acquisition Division will enforce a strict "Trauma-to-Vow Ratio" across all verticals. To achieve prestige television status, couples must offset any positive forward-looking statements—such as "I do"—with the sudden, violent materialization of a generational curse or a rotting woodland creature in the lavatory.

"We realized that stable, loving relationships were a depreciating asset," said Brent Furlong, Netflix’s Vice President of Existential Deliverables. "By pivoting to occult slaughter, we’ve successfully optimized the audience's dread metrics. If a bride isn't bleeding from the eyes by the reception, we are simply leaving money on the table."

According to quarterly shareholder disclosures, the company has also heavily invested in proprietary "low-light" filters designed to both heighten psychological terror and completely obscure the fact that they slashed the actual lighting budget by 40 percent.

"Our Q4 projections show a massive uptick in metaphorical childhood trauma," noted senior financial analyst Denise Glick. "We’ve effectively commodified the concept of crippling relationship anxiety. It’s a beautifully diversified portfolio of suffering."

At press time, Netflix executives were aggressively leveraging a synergistic merger with an ancient forest demon to further streamline their true-crime pipeline.