BURBANK, Calif. (The Trough) — Having exhausted every Brontë sister, Greek myth, and mildly depressing 19th-century railway novel, major film studios have announced plans to adapt the abstract feeling of melancholy itself into a four-part streaming event.

It is, frankly, the death of the human soul, wrapped in a dreadful, corporate sans-serif font. With high school syllabi fully strip-mined for zero-cost intellectual property, executives are now pivoting away from public domain literature and simply acquiring the rights to universal human emotions and historical epochs.

"We looked at doing Pride and Prejudice again, but we couldn't figure out how to organically integrate an energy drink sponsor into a bonnet," said Kevin Stables, Vice President of Vibe Monetization at Disney. "Instead, we bought the exclusive film rights to the emotion of wistfulness. It has massive four-quadrant appeal and, best of all, no living author to demand a cut."

The pivot comes after the critically abhorrent but commercially successful Moby Dick: Tokyo Drift, which officially depleted the last usable drops of classic American literature. Studios are now desperately browsing the metaphysical realm like it is a grocery store bargain bin.

"We are currently developing a gritty, cinematic universe based on the entire year of 1842," confirmed Amanda Thorne, Head of Abstract Acquisitions at Paramount. "It tested incredibly well with our key demographics, provided we replace all the historical cholera with relatable social anxiety."

At press time, Warner Bros. Discovery had reportedly issued a cease-and-desist letter to a local man for experiencing a moment of quiet introspection without a premium subscription.